Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
