i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I believe in your delicious
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
