New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
