I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
