I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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