I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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