FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
