How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
