some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
