Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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