By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
