Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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