He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
