Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
