my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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