If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
