We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the day after is always just damage control
two words: eviction party
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
