Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
