I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
