...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
