fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
