You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
