I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
