You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
