i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
