All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
