i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
