I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
