Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
