just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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