I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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