If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i barfeds in our rink
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
