I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
