the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
