I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
