It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
