im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
