The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Less talking, more tequila
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
