Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize