i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize