so explain again why im purple
no
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
