so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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