Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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