You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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