The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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