highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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