Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
