You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
