At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
