I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
