'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
