ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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