my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
