Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
party gras won. party gras always wins.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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