Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
