Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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