dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't deserve a penis
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize