Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
