So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
