my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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