respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
And then he peed in my hair
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