What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
