the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
