Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There are leaves in my underwear?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
