The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
PANTIES FOUND
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
