She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
