apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
