Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
