Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
