bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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