RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
