My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
