our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
