the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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