Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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