WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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