I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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